I was thinking about patience. My friend asked me how I was feeling about my work and finanacial situation because things are still tenuous. I asked myself, how do I feel about it? Do I feel afraid? Confident? Anxious? What? Then I thought, “I feel patient.” Yes, I feel patient about my work situation. How surprising to feel patient, so unusual for me to be patient. I said wow, I must really be transforming if I feel patient about that, something so big and scary for me. Patience is one of the fruits of the spirit that is new for me. I tend to be impatient, sometimes in the irritable angry way, but more often in a frightened timid way. For example if I am traveling and I am unsure of where I am and where I am going, if I do not know the way, I may be become impatient, anxious, and begin to believe I should already be there. Since I am not there, then I think, “I am lost.” Then I become frightened and disoriented, perhaps even making wrong and unnecessary turns. I was praying this morning about all that, what direction to take about work, what to wait for and what to head toward, about that patience, and I remembered a story about you Daddy.
I remembered when you and were both on separate business trips in southern California. We agreed to meet for dinner. It was a distance away and began to travel with directions and plenty of time, but I got lost, very lost. I worked hard to get back on track, but so much time went by and I still wasn’t there. It was dark. I had been through strange and seemingly unsafe areas. I was frightened, crying, and ready to give up but I still had to arrive somewhere. I stopped at a market to ask for help. The employee told me simple instructions, but I was so frightened I couldn’t understand. I kept asking him to repeat and clarify. Finally he walked with me out of the market door, and he pointed. There, within sight, was the highway I needed. It was right there, but I had been so afraid I couldn’t see it. So I got on the right road, finally, and made my way to the restaurant where I was to meet you. I was two hours late, two hours. I was sure you would be gone. I opened the door and there you were, waiting for me, waiting patiently. You had not even eaten; you had only waited for me, with patience and faith even in your anxiety about me. You were not angry with me; you were only relieved that I had finally arrived safely. I was so relieved and happy to see you. We had such a good evening together. We talked about difficult things as I was in a time of serious decision-making and you wanted to change my mind, but you were so gentle and respectful, pointing out important things, telling the truth with loving kindness. You were the only one who did that. There was neither glossing over nor condemnation. I did not agree but we parted with love. And many things you spoke of came to pass as you were concerned that they might.
The patience you showed me was such a gift. To just wait for me to find my way you show such love. I am blessed by this wisdom. I feel that you are still waiting for me to find my way to you. And in some ways I do. It is as if we can meet at way stations, a place to stop and be nourished for a moment while on our separate journeys. And now I feel that patience growing in me. It is if I see a wiser, older part of myself, perhaps the Holy Spirit, sitting at rest, in a safe and nurturing place, while the rest of me wanders in darkness. Through this wise one, I am having patience for myself to make my way back to the right road. And if I don’t get too frightened and impatient I may be able to see that the road I need is right there, in sight, just drive up a block and turn right, then keep on that road. Thank you for patiently waiting for me, for having faith that would eventually make my way there.
I remembered when you and were both on separate business trips in southern California. We agreed to meet for dinner. It was a distance away and began to travel with directions and plenty of time, but I got lost, very lost. I worked hard to get back on track, but so much time went by and I still wasn’t there. It was dark. I had been through strange and seemingly unsafe areas. I was frightened, crying, and ready to give up but I still had to arrive somewhere. I stopped at a market to ask for help. The employee told me simple instructions, but I was so frightened I couldn’t understand. I kept asking him to repeat and clarify. Finally he walked with me out of the market door, and he pointed. There, within sight, was the highway I needed. It was right there, but I had been so afraid I couldn’t see it. So I got on the right road, finally, and made my way to the restaurant where I was to meet you. I was two hours late, two hours. I was sure you would be gone. I opened the door and there you were, waiting for me, waiting patiently. You had not even eaten; you had only waited for me, with patience and faith even in your anxiety about me. You were not angry with me; you were only relieved that I had finally arrived safely. I was so relieved and happy to see you. We had such a good evening together. We talked about difficult things as I was in a time of serious decision-making and you wanted to change my mind, but you were so gentle and respectful, pointing out important things, telling the truth with loving kindness. You were the only one who did that. There was neither glossing over nor condemnation. I did not agree but we parted with love. And many things you spoke of came to pass as you were concerned that they might.
The patience you showed me was such a gift. To just wait for me to find my way you show such love. I am blessed by this wisdom. I feel that you are still waiting for me to find my way to you. And in some ways I do. It is as if we can meet at way stations, a place to stop and be nourished for a moment while on our separate journeys. And now I feel that patience growing in me. It is if I see a wiser, older part of myself, perhaps the Holy Spirit, sitting at rest, in a safe and nurturing place, while the rest of me wanders in darkness. Through this wise one, I am having patience for myself to make my way back to the right road. And if I don’t get too frightened and impatient I may be able to see that the road I need is right there, in sight, just drive up a block and turn right, then keep on that road. Thank you for patiently waiting for me, for having faith that would eventually make my way there.
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